Bact to Target/Fields: An even easier solution would be to take the mention of Target out and just leave Fields in, since that was the retailer that ultimately carried their products. Any employer familiar with the industry would know that Target was the corporate parent of the brand and that the relationship was probably brokered through their channels rather than directly through Fields.

I just pointed it out as little details like that can also leave impressions with potential employers. Having all the facts in your letter as current and up-to-date as you can will show them that you are aware of and keep up-to-date with current events and industry changes. Chances are, it’s fine as it is and nobody will really notice it. But the letter is about *you* and *your contributions* to helping this company, not the company, so it’s probably safer to be vague, but it’s your letter and totally your call. Keep it the way it is if you’re comfortable with it. Enough of the nit-picking. ;)

I’m glad you’ve learned to see criticism for what it is and not take it personally—that’s a really big stepping point for everyone to learn. I had a lot of experience with criticism in school with regular critiques and learned a lot about dealing with the less-than-constructive variety with guidance and buffering from instructors, so when it reared its ugly head in the real-life work world, I was better able to contend with it, even though it is still a challenge to contend with. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to learn that without that guidance as you did, but in your own way, you survived and persevered the experience. I think that says a lot about you. :)

One counterpoint in response to Target/Marshall Fields: because this retail collaboration between Target Corp.’s buyer and Company B occurred in the past, when Target hadn’t put Marshall Fields up for sale to May’s (the new owner of the Fields brand) — and because my business relationship with the client ended before Target announced the selloff — I am going to stick with this wording for the sake of simplicity. Many people may know that Target held the Fields brand for a long time (since about 1984, I think) before selling it this year. And for those who didn’t previously know and care to learn more (or didn’t know but want to inquire further about the details), it would be a detail I could mention in an interview.

But in short, , feedback is so useful, and I value having it. Until recently, I regarded it as a criticism against me personally, not as something meant to be of use to me. I know my response isn’t unique by any stretch.

I think my ability to grow past that is connected with acknowledging two important points.

First, I have never been mentored by anyone professionally (and until just recently, personally, as well). Only in recent years did I learn how much an impedance this missing element has been an effect on concerns like my lack of direction (e.g., Jill of all trades, master of — well, masterful in none), my career-ending burnouts (e.g., why I retired from graphic design), my incumbent frustration with feeling like a failure, my feeling like this nebulous outsider, and so on.

Second, the personal mentor I mentioned above taught me that feedback is in itself a kind of demonstration in mentoring, just in small bits. As I understood it, it’s that people are willingly giving their time and knowledge to help someone learn the ropes themselves by eliciting constructive criticism or feedback.

When I look back on my experiences, I really do see my professional ventures as being this watered-down Icarus of sorts: I leapt without having the wisdom of mentors to steer me from the caveats of getting too close to the sun. At the same time, I fall waaaay short (pun intended) of Icarus in that I ran off the cliff with the wrong adhesive holding down my feathers. I never really soared. I just plummeted and slammed into the crags below. Much of what you saw when you first met me was my graceless crash.

Ouch.

So, yes, in other words, thank you. :)

Most of my feedback is just little nit-picky stuff, which I’ll address by paragraph.

P1: “have seen” should probably be “saw”, or you might consider re-vamping this sentence to something like “I would like to apply for the copywriter position posted on {wherever} . . .” to keep the tense more immediate. As it stands now, it gives the impression you saw the posting quite a while ago.

P2: You can safely lose the “it” in the first sentence, and the “that” in the second. Your call on those.

While I understand what you’re doing with the final sentence, it doesn’t quite work as a completing thought on its own at the end of the paragraph. I would tie it into P3 for your long letter, and condense the essence of P3 and P4 for your shorter letter, as these are great hard-core selling points for your abilities.

P3 and P4 are very strong and excellent sellers for your skills. I would just do a little fact checking and ensure that Target still has ownership of Marshall Fields before you send these out—I believe Target liquidated their holdings in Fields and Mervyn’s in May or June of this year.

P5 (final): Just for cadence, I would lose one of the four qualities you’ve listed from the first sentence. Three should be plenty.

Also, consider changing “refreshingly” to “hopefully”. There are an awful lot of syllables in that 2-word combo, and I found myself getting stuck at that point and not really reading the rest of the paragraph. If you want to keep “refreshingly” in there as a personal flourish, consider losing “to one another” as that is already implied in the rest of the sentence.

You’ve definitely come a long way from the last draft. Good job. :)