ACCOZZAGLIA

severe dream. once again. but with a twist.

somehow, I return to houston in this one, but this time, it’s not the home in which I was raised. but the outcome was still as severe.

there aren’t basements in houston. one of the two houses had one. still. what was supposed to be rosenberg felt more like IGH, E or CG.

in other words, our southeast metro area. this means i’ve lived here too long.

she tried to attack me with a knife. i remember screaming at her in defence. it was weird. she and i had driven to an alternate house to take care of some things — going through a horribly soot-caked, clogged, polluted downtown houston — while the rest of the family stayed at the other place. as always, the sibs were suspended in time at the age when I left home at sixteen, which is kind of comical, when you consider that that was over a decade ago. then again, my dad had darker hair, and just a little less baldness than he does now.

[i've never looked at my face in a mirror during these dreams. what do i look like? what do they call me? they never say. i'm petrified to know, lest my subconscious mind invalidate who i am in the most undignified way: in my very own dreamscape, no less.]

she didn’t try to stab me. she tried to slice my hand, which was lightly resting on a kitchen counter while I stood in front of it. i jumped back at her attempt, screaming and locking myself in a bedroom with a telephone. i called him to have him get me out of there. and amazingly — here’s another twist — he arrived, protected me and called the police, while she mocked him from a hallway by calling the same police department on her mobile.

manipulative bitch.

by then, my mind had reached its tolerance. i woke up, wild-eyed and completely freaked out.

i hate this. so many years have passed. i severed communication with her over six years ago. i’ve been healing — carefully, surely — but it doesn’t seem like that’s enough. her frightening, possessed expression still looms.

i hate that she has this kind of power still. furthermore, it doesn’t make sense. i thought i’d be past her long by now.

apparently not.