ACCOZZAGLIA

okay. not really. but whatever.

1. What is Heather Graham doing in a Bollywood pic? I mean, for real!

i have no freaking clue. who’s Heather Graham?

2. What are the positives, if any, of yuppie gentrification?

well, ummm, if it can bring an IKEA to the Twin Cities, then that’s one good thing. they bring ample street-lighting to places where it was forever neglected by a racist city council. there are more SUVs to taint with sugar in the fuel tank.

3. What (other than SparkleVixen) are the positives of life in Seattle/Ever-wreck?

i’ll ignore Neverett for the sake of answering this.

the selection of east Asian holes-in-the-wall is a lot better here than in most places. the proximity to different climatological regions is kinda neat, even if the topography constituting each makes me claustrophobic. the foliage here is much nicer than it was in Minnehooter. they have Trader Joe’s, which unfortunately is the Microsoft of natural foods. Seattle has Ballard (need i say more?).

4. What are the negatives of life in the Sea-Tacky?

NO JOBS. NO REAL PUBLIC TRANSIT SYSTEM. STAGNATION AND POLLUTION. NO SNOW AND FRIGID COLD. POLITICS SUCK AND ARE INACCESSIBLE TO THE MASSES.

i know i’m shouting. i don’t really care. get some earplugs.

5. If you were the ruler of the Greater Puget Sound Region, what three projects/policies would you put at the top of your to-do list?

(1) SCREW MONORAIL AS A MASS-TRANSIT FOOTBALL. immediately invoke the building of a comprehnsive light-rail system, starting next week, which operates on both elevated and on city streets, and get all the transit systems to amalgamate their servies into a unifed system, making possible the following:

–> there’d be the Green Line from West Seattle-to-downtown Seattle-to-Ballard.

–> there’d be the Blue Line from Issaquah-to-Bellevue-to-University-to-downtown Seattle.

–> there’d be the Red Line from Everett-to-Mill Creek-to-Bothell-to-Kirkland-to-Redmond-to-Bellevue-to-Renton-to-Sea-Tac airport.

–> there’d be the Orange Line from Marysville-to-Everett-to-Lynnwood-to-Edmonds-to-Shoreline-to-Ballard-to-Magnolia-to-Queen Anne-to-downtown Seattle-to-Sea-Tac airport. so what if they don’t like it? it’d run on 15th Ave., west of 99.

–> there’d be the Brown Line from downtown-Seattle-to-to-Sea-Tac airport-to-Federal Way-to-Tacoma-to-Olympia, interchanging with the Tacoma light rail system that’s slated to open this fall. at the Sporting Complex area, the line would narrowly split into an east line (known as the Chinatown Train) and a west line (known as the Seahawk-Mariner Train), before rejoining near the King County Airport field.

–> there’d be the Gold Line from Enumclaw-to-Kent-to-Renton-to-Bellevue-to-Redmond.

–> and there’d be a high-speed rail line (electric, of course) called the White Line, from Elliot Bay in downtown Seattle, across Lake Washington (on the same shared tracks as the Blue Line) through to the next stop in downtown Bellevue. the next stop in Issaquah would yield to the next stop in North Bend, then onwards non-stop to Snoqualmie Pass.

(2) UPHEAVE PASSAGEWAYS. take down the Alaskan Way Viaduct and build a 30mph/50km/h flat boulevard in its place, replete with toll booths on either end, plenty of traffic lights, exclusive biking lanes, a majority of HOV lanes, exclusive rights of way for the existing trolley line and making all the freed-up land a public greenbelt park, replete with plenty of walking paths and ped overpasses to the piers. also, crate a technologically-advanced and archtiecturally signature landmark suspension bridge between downtown Bellevue and the University district, supporting the Blue and White Lines, carpool-only lanes that are exempt from the $2.50 toll that single-passenger automobiles must pay to cross.

(3) MAKE RAINIER EASIER TO SEE. eliminate all diesel-only buses and replace them with all electric city coaches and modern diesel-electric hybrid buses, and make single passenger cars pay a fee to drive into the city centres of Bellevue and Seattle (discounted if more people are present in the vehicle).