ACCOZZAGLIA

it’s futile, not because i’m unqualified — on the contrary, i’m probably amongst the best qualified who may answer to their open call that was posted in a highly esteemed trade publication — but because this prep school is suggesting a kind of classism that i can’t get around, i realise that this is not liable to go anywhere.

on their web site, they list the number of faculty on staff and of those, how many have a bachelor, masters or doctoral accreditation. out of their 146 faculty members, 146 of them have at least a baccalaureate under them. and they’re kind enough to break down how many of their faculty have what academic experience.

how subtle and humble of them.

it’s disgusting. it’s elitism. i wouldn’t be making direct contact with students (either by teaching them or corrupting them), since i’d be working on all their marketing, Web and print collateral, but goddamn it.

i feel like such a shoe for even trying, because i know the last thing they want is to tarnish their prestige with one faculty member who doesn’t have a degree.

but i sent one of the best self-promotional pitches of my career. read on.

their description:

Leading independent school seeks an experienced full-time designer for its communications office who will create, produce, and manage school publications and other school graphics projects. Publications include a quarterly alumni magazine that ranges between 72 and 132 pages per issue, as well as numerous other external and internal documents. In-depth knowledge of, and experience in, magazine design and layout, typography, photography, print production, color management, QuarkXPress, Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator, and the Mac platform are essential. Editorial and writing skills along with good communications and people skills are important; web design experience a plus. Pharmaceutical and annual report design experience, while not required, are also a plus. Must have relevant B.A. degree, minimum 5 years experience in the field (preferably more), and a superb portfolio.

my pitch:

Dear Mr. Smith:

I am optimistic that the Willsdale School is continuing its search for selecting an exceptionally qualified graphic artist with strong writing, editorial and Web designing skills. You may want to know that I am courting this opportunity with serious interest, and I ask that you consider my credentials in kind.

I retain nine years of experience as a graphic designer. I have created print collateral, Web content, magazine layouts, Web user experiences and corporate identity for several clients. It may be prudent to mention that I also retain five years experience as a small business art director and copywriter, stressing a devoted emphasis on brand development and stewardship, thanks to working closely alongside and building a strong relationship with my clients.

Most notably, I engineered the entire image, written voice and identity for an upstart furniture company, steering its promotion and exposure from square one in 2001 to a rapidly-growing corporation with national distribution and industry name recognition today. This included all creative direction, branding, copywriting, graphic design and print production (all within the constraints of a limited startup budget) for their product catalogue, direct mail pieces and other marketing collateral.

However, I am aware that your school demands far more than mechanical and logistical experience. I realize that Willsdale strives to exceed a remarkable element of accessibility in its communication materials, as the care demonstrated by your institution conveys an ethos of muted pride, quality and concern over the consequences of clean, well-conveyed informational design and crisp writing.

These are values which I doggedly esteem as sacrosanct. Design and publishing not only own the mutual responsibility of summoning distracted attention spans and engaging them with consistency, but each should also avoid alienating the audience from being able to interpret or use that content efficiently and intuitively.

Regardless the scope, I dedicate my level best to imbue these sometimes oppositional ideals into something of high value for my clients. My portfolio, its link pasted below, demonstrates a glimmer of the style, talent and quality that the Willsdale faculty and alma mater may find at once refreshingly familiar and welcome.

Also, my resume will acquaint you with further detail from my credentials. Pending your reciprocating interest, I feel confident that we can arrange a suitable plan to meet and interview each other.

Mr. Smith, I sincerely want to thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

tear me apart for everything i’m worth. that’s why i’m letting you all read it.