explain this here dream.
so, i’m handed the latest copy of Seattle Weekly, a weekly newspaper that tries to be a light version of the Village Voice, which is actually a light version of what an alternative weekly should be, if even such a thing exists.
so, when i looked at the cover of this newspaper, the cover designer stole and appropriated one of my iconic design productions that is in my portfolio, aand repurposed the iconic elements in a way that would look “artsy” on the cover.
and then, when i opened to look at the masthead, my name was nowhere to be seen. i was livid with this wanton uncredited theft, and i remember pressing trademark and copyright charges on them. the end of the dream ended up with me walking into the courtroom and demonstrating proof to the judge, an old and cantankerous woman in her seventies, at which point, i think she expressed surprise at the body of evidence in my favour.
but the underlying sensation i got from the whole thing was just how violated i felt, geez.
* * *
also, through the drama of kittens being insane and hyper last night, i somehow managed to process my worries before ultimately falling asleep. when i’m really tired, it seems like my darkest feelings have a propensity to show themselves and manifest in such a way to where i feel each of them throughout my body’s fabric.
like worry, for example — something which i had plenty of on more than one front last night. anyhow, i feel that i made some inroads on this issue during the unusually long period between when i went to bed and when i finally fell asleep about an hour later:
it’s not my responsibility to worry about what other people may think of me, though in some circumstances, those thoughts owned by other can be executed into slights against me. so, until and up until that happens (if that happens), i needn’t allow myself to concern myself with their shit. if there are constructive criticisms (or just criticisms of substance contained within), then i will take those into mind and process them with equal weight to anything else — no special treatment, in other words.
the trick, of course, is to remind myself of these conclusions every time i feel triggered by something that could make me worry. that might take awhile, like learning to ride a bicycle for the first time.
we’ll see.