ACCOZZAGLIA

i’ve just learned that Minnesota rocks the house over the supposed apple kingpin of the U.S.: Washington. Minnesota is known to originate no fewer than 20 different varieties of apple, including the famously delicious Haralsons, Honeycrisp and Firesides.

of course, i’m really craving some fresh Haralsons at this very moment, but i can’t have none (double-negative, yeah, yeah, so sue me). so, like, Minnesota-grown Honeycrisp would rawk, too, but again, i’m soooo SOL.

but check this: Washington promotes, grows and sells only NINE apple varieties, and only one was native to this area: the Cameo®, which was found in a Red Disgusting — i mean, Delicious, sorry about the Freudian slip — orchard by accident as a chance seedling (as they say in the biz). the Granny Smith, for example, was discovered on an orchard in New South Wales, Australia, in 1868 by Maria Anne Smith. and the tasty and recent Pinklady variety? Western Australia, folks. Braeburn and Gala? New Zealand.

Washington makes 70 percent of all the apples consumed by and exported from the United States. their number one-selling apples — and also considered a favourite by Americans, apparently (and how this is is completely beyond me, but feh, Americans brought the world Oscar Mayer and cardboard tomatoes, so hey) is the Red Disgus . . . licious.

um. no. that’s just plain bad-wrong.

and yanno what? Red Delicious apples, Washington’s trademark, didn’t even originate in Washington! can we say IOWA, while the Golden Delicious originated in WEST VIRGINIA? i knew you could. you spake it well!

anyhow, this is kinda like how Wisconsin is cheese central, even though most of the good cheese* i run into, time and again, is from either Oregon/California, Vermont/New York State or Ontario. quantity and notoriety do not equate to quality in the slightest. sorry.

say, uh, does anyone know if there’s an ingredient in apples that the body craves, such as potassium in bananas or tryptophan in milk? i’m really wondering this, cos i can’t explain my serious jonesing for a legit apple. damn.

and supposedly, Red Granny Smith apples, svairini? they’re rumoured to grow in both Connecticut and California, but i’ve seen no proof of either. i think we have a real serious conspiracy at work here.

anyhow, for your edification, varieties of apples in specific locales:

Minnesota:

http://www.maes.umn.edu/releases/treefruits.asp

http://www.minnesotaapple.org/minnesota_varieties.shtml

Washington:

http://www.cookwithaloha.com/washington_state_apples.htm

http://www.fruitfromwashington.com/Varieties/winterbanana.htm (Winter Banana heirloom apple)

New York:

http://www.nyapplecountry.com/varieties.htm

Ontario:

http://www.tdc.ca/apples.htm

Connecticut:

http://www.hort.uconn.edu/apples/varieties.html

California:

http://www.ewbrandt.com/bft/variety.html#apple

Western Australia:
http://www.batlowapples.com.au/barrel/body.asp (note how Red Disgusting actually looks better here)

British Columbia:

http://www.appleluscious.com/orchard/varieties.html

New Zealand:
http://www.enzafoods.co.nz/apple_story/various_varieties/ (again, note how the Red Disgusting looks positively more like a Haralson)

Michigan:

http://www.michiganfruit.com/apples.htm

Maine:

http://www.maine.com/apples/varieties.htm

New Jersey REPRESENT!:

http://www.state.nj.us/jerseyfresh/appletypes.htm

and this post is totally dedicated to wohali. thank you. :)

* i said “good cheese”. i meant, yanno, good cheese. but body-quivering cheese, of course, happens mostly away from the States in spades — and we all know that, folks. riiiiiight?