It was earned.
Some of the university experience (now that half of my first year is over) I have found intensely stressful. It mostly pertains to relations with certain other people, not the work load itself. My blood pressure has risen, undoubtedly rooted around three areas. One is preferred, expected and even somewhat wanted. The other two? I could do without them:
1) Relations at home with two people: a nasty, manipulative enabler, who sways and dominates an impressionable, intelligent but naïve kid whose potential to create amazing things is obstructed by tuning out his pain, defensively isolating himself and cocooning entirely in one room;
2) Rapport with my DTS (Diaspora & Transnational Studies) course profs (three), plus their teaching assistants, who (despite this being the first year of the DTS program) are unable to effectively communicate, have not returned marks on either the second or third essays (the former was turned in nine weeks ago), and have failed to have their act together with an online web page or fail to reply when contacted by email;
3) The “Frosh 15″. I have been quite happy with my own added 15. Or 20. :)
* * *
This afternoon, the mark on my first term Canadian Studies essay was returned. This followed the annotated bibliography accompanying my essay topic — which was marked a month prior. I have struggled in my other three courses to reach a mark over which I don’t feel ashamed. But with the Can Studies essay topic in November, I was given an A (87/100). The return of my essay, which I had banked on it being a B (75), ended up being an A+ (92). I could have done better in theory, but I feel satisfied with the research, my effort, and the teaching assistant’s critique. I also really enjoy the course.
So I rewarded myself afterwards with a big bowl of poutine, direct from the Ideal Catering van in front of Sid Smith Hall. I wanted to clog my arteries. I have succeeded:
This isn’t my bowl, but imagine it in a disposable cardboard dish one might get at a streetside hot dog stand. I call this my reward. I call this satisfaction. I call this uncommonly delicious.