ACCOZZAGLIA

http://www.di.fm/edmguide/edmguide.html

It’s hours of fun for the music dweeb! Like myself!

For the uninitiated, it’s an illustrative primer for what on earth it is you hear me talking about when you hear me talking about it. You know you couldn’t care less, but you at least want to show a sense of politeness by nodding your head when I ramble — as if to infer that you have any idea as to what I’m talking about. Oh, and that what I’m talking about is actually interesting to you (which, let’s face it, this is interesting to, like, 9 people in the entire world, so don’t feel guilty).

For the jaded, it’s a sardonic map of, you know, that music — all the while knowing that not all of it is, well, “music”.

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AMONG MY KNICKER-WETTING FAVES

Electronica [under Downtempo > Classical]
“Wenwaldyter Carlos” [under Downtempo > Classical]
Dream [under Trance]

GETTING IT RIGHT

I don’t agree with his taxonomy for everything (in my opinion, he misses a lot, see * below), but I give props to correctly identifying and categorizing accurate examples:

New Beat [under Hardcore]: a long, lost Belgian sub-genre from 1988 to 1991 that, in its original incarnation, was a joy to hear (and was a listening staple for me during that last innocent summer of 1990), but then rapidly disintegrated into a lot of faux-angry, monotonous shit that made the 1990s such a sonic disaster to my ears (while selling millions of CDs to a bunch of kids who thought they’d discovered this stuff first). Such as the music-killing quality of Rave.

Speedcore [under Hardcore]. I need not comment on this.

Making the perfectly correct link between Darksynth and EBM [under Trance] by linking DAF with Nitzer Ebb — something I’ve been professing since, uhm, my teens? I just never called these as anything other than “early industrial dance”. Stupid genre names.

Jungle is just plain unlistenable now as it was then.

“WHAT WAS HE THINKING?”

Cocteau Twins under Trance > Darkwave? Is he mental?

Also, citing The Danse Society as Goth [under Trance] — and not a moody offshoot from New Wave and what he calls Synthpop (which I opine as a sub-genre that didn’t even begin until 1988 with a very different spread of artists than what he lists) — is indisputable evidence that this boy was probably riding his bike with training wheels when the Berlin Wall was torn down. Moreover, I have always cited The Danse Society and Cabaret Voltaire (both ca. 1984-1985 era) as being the same sub-genre. He put Cabaret Voltaire under Darkwave. Go figure.

Speaking of New Wave [under House], I agree with exactly half of the examples he cites as qualifying. But Jean-Michel Jarre and Yellow Magic Orchestra — both dear to my heart since I was practically a toddler — are what I’ve regaded as “electronic new age” before “electronic” meant “digital” and after it meant “cheesy Moog noodling” by nerdy men in pocket protectors. Jean-Luc Ponty would qualify under this, as would Giorgio Moroder — who was cited here, and who is arguably the pioneering bridge between electronic new age and what effectively shaped the sound of “new wave” (e.g., Berlin, Oakey/Moroder, Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love”, etc.).

Which brings up another point. This reference site places New Wave as a direct descendant to Disco. But when one considers that Giorgio Moroder was doing “new wave” before “disco”, it doesn’t add up to place then in a linear fashion. They were parallel trackings which occasionally intersected (like Yellow Magic Orchestra’s “Tong Poo” and Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love”).

His Italo section [under House] tickles me endlessly. I get drawn to it like cheap candy one would buy at the 7-11 with one’s last 61 cents. You know, back when you’re about 10 years old and not allowed to venture past the neighbourhood’s bounds? But where’s Taffy, Silver Pozzoli, P4F, RAF, Magazine 60 and all that silliness on Emergency Records?

Lil’ Louis & The World. Uhm, hi, Detroit Acid House king, anybody? The site author cites Lil’ Louis as Classic [under House]. Also, he makes no connection between Acid and New Beat (see above), when arguably Acid was intertwined with the evolution of New Beat.

Where is the underground dance material that was a staple in San Francisco, Houston, Toronto and Chicago? Like Until December? Or Colm III? Or Strange Advance?

And Hip [under House] has no business being here. House of Pain and Stereo MCs lumped together should have this guy sentenced and convicted with a punishment of being forbidden to touch another record or piece of digital music for the rest of his life. :P

And there’s no mention of “new romantic” — like Japan, Roxy Music, Talk Talk, Icehouse, Ultravox, and even Duran Duran. Their use of synthesizers and drum machines was genius in of itself. This guy gets an F.

He also misses practically everything produced in Australia and New Zealand. No Third Eye, no Eurogliders, no Mi-Sex, no Real Life, no Shona Laing (ca. 1988-1989), nothing.

And “new disco” like Marc Almond, Pet Shop Boys, and all that fabulously banal, syrupy, male-diva drivel (some of which I admittedly like — proving that dykes can have an inner fag in them)? Meh, Nancy and Mary.

And the “dark funk” of The Wolfgang Press is entirely missing.

And somehow, not citing Harold Faltermeyer and Jan Hammer in the same breath as Giorgio Moroder is like suggesting that cumin doesn’t belong in chili.

* MISSING. (like the deserts miss the . . . never mind)

The Beloved. Where are these downtempo acid house pioneers?

Baby Ford. An acid house pioneer.

And where is a sub-genre for “Miami House”, like anything Lewis A. Martinée produced? You know, like Pet Shop Boys’ “Domino Dancing”, Exposé, Paris By Air, or whatnot?

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I need a life. I need to quit procrastinating. I need to quit overwhelming other people’s reading material.