part one is almost over.
2001 was clearly divided into the hopeful half (the first part) and the half where the only outlook was black and bleak: the latter half.
Somehow, while I know that 2002 isn’t a 2001 redux, my body memory is going through the motions of that recent memory. I’m slightly scared that the second half of 2002 is going to be hell, even though nothing in the foreseeable future alludes to a replay of last year.
Last year, everything beyond Independence Day weekend in the U.S. was basically a downhill slide, then tailspin, culminating in the worst possible ending I’ve ever experienced or witnessed. I don’t know how I lived through it.
And this, for those unaware, is no exaggeration.
And yet, 2002 has treated me very well. For this, I’m eternally grateful, but I’m still understandably cautious about the time between today and fall 2003, when I head back to uni. I mean, at least I have a better idea of what I want to do and where I want to do it. An there isn’t a dark cloud looming over my head, either.
I dinna. I’m staying hard-to-find this weekend, which also happens to be PRIDE (for gwad’s sake). Ew. To avoid this shit, I’m, ummm, washing my hair today. Yeah, that’s it. And tomorrow, during the parade? I’ll be at brunch.
Actually, the time between now and September is the calm before a storm of changes. My best friend on the planet is going to move west, leaving me here alone. My father is inviting me to his housewarming in mid-September, where I also get to meet his fiancée. We haven’t seen each other in six-and-a-half years. I have several schools to tour and an SAT and ACT to take by October. After that, it’s anyone’s fair game.
I’m not really looking forward to being lonely, even though I know so many people around here. In fact, my network of colleagues and friends and important names in the area could have me accused of being a starfucker — to which I say, umm, whatever.
But none of them reach that threshold that svairini has in my life, and with her leave (and it would have been inevitable, since I would have left for skool anyway), this ushers in a new, skeery, cold chapter in my life. I’ll be okay. She’ll still be within email, ICQ and phone’s reach, but, well, it’s just not the same, you know?
Geez. Welcome to an unwritten chapter. Wunderbar.