ACCOZZAGLIA

so, after i vowed to avoid it beginning last year, it’s all but likely that i will never participate in another “Pride” event again. in its place, i’ll bring you the following:

BEING QUEER ON YOUR OWN TERMS, PERIOD.

so, sparkle_vixen (my girlfriend) and i drove to Anacortes, where the world actually operates on a different rhythm, truly on the edge of it all — even if it’s way too blonde for my tastes.

however, if you stand in the right spot, you can definitely see Victoria.

not that i have much going in favour for Victoria — even if it is a provincial capital in my to-be home nation. they wantonly purge city raw sewage into the Strait of Juan de Fuca and Puget Sound. it’s isolated from the B.C. mainland, and the only two people i’ve ever spoken with from there are a bit off-balance, to put it mildly. Melodia and Tawni, anyone?

so, like, it’s about time i experienced a picture-perfect day.

this time a year ago, i was railing against Minneapolis Pride events not a kilometre from my house as being completely stuck in another era, far, far removed from the Real Queer World today, all in an apartment roiling in 100-degree heat.

and late this afternoon, it was anywhere from 61 to 92°F, depending on exactly where you were standing. it wasn’t unusual to see a drop of 15 degrees by moving over a hill. nary a cloud in the sky on a new moon day, the haze was low and the sea breezes kept the air fresh. and OMG, the aura of cedar wafting everywhere was something i’m not used to.

however, there was one moment where i had a minor freakout jolt. while we were out in Washington Park, walking through a campground, a saw someone who looked a little too much like an old friend whom i’d all but lost touch with a few years ago. last i knew, she was in Enumclaw, but she was very guarded even about that. we briefly touched base online about eighteen months ago, and she wouldn’t divest her general whereabouts or what she was doing.

years of damage in her semi-strict Catholic home back in Brookfield, WI, did a number on her. which is sad, really, cos she was good people — up and to a point around, say, 1995. then she met some guy whose name i don’t know and he cordoned her off from all the people she knew before, including me. after she finished her ungraduate work at the University of Minnesota, they moved to Atlanta and then Enumclaw. after that, around 1998, it’s all a mystery.

anyhow, as sparkle_vixen and i walked by this person, we ever-briefly smiled and said hello to each other in passing. but the very moment she passed by, i let this person’s visage sink into me. it hit me off-guard, cos i don’t think of Kerry at all these days. but the aged face, the hair colour, the eyes, the facial shape and even the height matched her from when we last saw each other in person back in 1991.

i looked to sparkle_vixen and was, like, “whoa. that is too weird. that person looked like my old friend Kerry. i’m getting a weird chill-vibe from the whole thing. actually, i’m freaking out a bit.” meanwhile, sparkle_vixen was in her chill headspace and so not paying much attention. still, i made us walk back on the path from whence we came, and i didn’t see her again.

and here’s the thing: it’s been so many years since we last saw each other that i’m all but certain that she shouldn’t, couldn’t and wouldn’t recognise me, were we to bump into or brush by each other. it’s that whole premise where some people tend to retain a familiar façade, no matter how old they get. one can look at their kiddie school class pictures and pick them out in an instant. and then there are other people who look radically disparate at every stage of their life — from childhood to adolescence to early adulthood to middle-aged to elderly.

i’m one of the latter. period. at best, i look like a distant cousin of myself when you compare me now to when i was, say, eighteen. and, well, the last time she would have seen me in person was when i was 18 — which would have been, oh, August, 1991.

damn. i’m getting up there.

anyhow, we ambled through Deception Pass (which, as sparkle_vixen wryly noted on a complete inside-reference nonsequitir, is such a redundant concept) about an hour after sunset — about 10:15pm — which is a place that i must see during a better-lit moment. still, this far north in later June, we still had about 90 minutes until last twilight (which i got to see, along with a slow-moving meteor and a satellite moving northeast across the Milky Way sky). without a doubt, i could see Victoria, unobstructed, in the distance. i could make out one bright beacon, and according to the map, the mass of land i could see about 50km due west was most assuredly the southern reaches of Vancouver Island.

again. so close to home, and yet, i may as well be on the opposing side of this planet.

i hate this.

* * *

and for tomorrow’s New Jersey state bird to Pride? i’m weeding through the faux happy-gay-mainstream-meatmarket-for-boring-politically-correct-people morass with my queer-arse machete and hitting up the trails with chaizzilla for a good, healthy hike away from the hypocritical hoopla. the gay couples can celebrate SCOTUS’ repeal of the “sodomy laws” and the loud, visible, brick-arse transgenders who speak for everyone else without consent can cheer on their new HRC and ENDA.

meanwhile, after years of unsuccessfully fighting for other less glamourous and prolific human rights measures, i’ll celebrate my autonomy and transparency by taking a nice walk with my closest friend in Seattle proper, thanks.